The Adventures of Merlin (Warning: Here There Be Spoilers)

Remember when I said I was going to blog my way through Merlin? Yeah, well, I finished the series about a month ago.

...I promise I had a life away from my computer screen. I promise.

Anyways. I find myself in an odd position--I liked the show, a lot, but remain as unimpressed with it as I did when I started out. Okay, I'm a little more impressed by it--but it really is a pretty bad show.

When I first started watching, I would make a tally every time "destiny" was mentioned. There got to be so many tallies that I had to stop. The episodes are repetitive and get boring very quickly: There is some magical problem, either a creature or a sorcerer, which is trying to kill either Uther or Arthur, and Merlin is The Only One who can save them, because of his Awesome And Unsurpassed Power. A friend pointed out that a lot of TV shows are formulaic in that way, and I suppose that's true--but other shows have some kind of side plot that advances with each episode, or the characters grow or change, perceptibly, and I didn't feel like Merlin had that. It was just monotonous; and I don't think I'd have minded, except for a few things that I couldn't get over.

One was the way in which Merlin kept running off to the Dragon (of Destiny) for help--sometimes I could see when it was necessary but other times I thought he could have handled the problem on his own, or didn't think the Dragon's input was relevant. Merlin let himself be influenced too much by the Dragon. Another was that in the very first episode Uther was talking about how Camelot had been free from magic for years and years, how he had eradicated it. And yet the show was based around all of the magical problems that plague the kingdom, all of the sorcerers and creatures that are clearly not eradicated. The show's most fundamental concept is hypocritical. It wouldn't have been that hard to have a subplot about how the Old Religion was rising again (that might have been really interesting!), or even just have someone--anyone! It doesn't matter who!--say a line along the lines of "Gee, this is strange, isn't it?"

Another problem, along the same lines, was that not only was the show formulaic, it was formulaic to the point of using almost the exact same lines episode after episode, particularly when it came to Uther. "Magic is evil, magic is evil"--it gets boring, and then annoying, and the force of Uther's hatred loses any impact it might have had. The characters never change--not Uther; not Arthur: caught between his father's will and his own, but always falling back into compliance; every episode it seems like they're going through the same motions.

I was disappointed by how they handled Morgana's becoming evil. She was such a great character before--passionate, funny, smart--and after she started attempting to ruin Camelot, she lost all of that. She became flat and one-dimensional; there wasn't even any internal conflict or regret or second thoughts--she was pure evil, defined by her desire for revenge. And no one is pure evil. Conflicted villains are the best, both because they're realistic and because when they're done well, they're interesting; and it was like she had never been the person we came to know in the beginning seasons, like she never even remembered seasons 1 and 2. I loved her relationship with Morgause--even that would have been great, seeing a villainous sister duo! But that didn't happen.

The show's family-friendliness also got on my nerves. I have nothing against family-friendly shows; I think it's great that they're getting kids interested in history and mythology and that there's a show that parents and kids can both watch and enjoy together. But the fact that there would be scenes in which people would stab each other, and there would never be any blood on the weapon, ever, irked me. I'm not saying everything should be bloody and violent! I think the media and entertainment industries have made people too desensitized to violence, and don't appreciate violence for violence's sake--but not having any blood at all is just unrealistic and not only takes away from the show by drawing the viewer out of the world that's been created, but takes away the impact that showing realistic wounds would have had--violence has consequences, and showing the results of those consequences makes it real for the character and the audience in a way that passing over it doesn't.

So, with all these complaints, I was surprised to find myself enjoying the show. I really started to like it after Uther dies and Arthur becomes king. I've said that the characters don't grow, but that's not strictly true--they  grow, they just grow very slowly and mostly after Uther dies, and it's a long time to wait. We see Arthur grow so much more as a character after he's free from the constraints of Uther's mindless bigotry. I liked seeing how the show interpreted the myths; as a history nerd it was fun to see how things were portrayed. And the cast remained super hot, which just made everything better. I mean really, Knights of the Round Table. I think I know the kind of criteria Arthur had in mind when he was selecting y'all, and I very much approve.

It's very enjoyable to watch all of the characters interact with each other; they have great friendships, great relationships, that are interesting and heartwarming and make you care about them all. You can see the love between them, and you feel included in that love. That, I think, is why I kept watching--I came to care about the characters, and wanted to stick with them till the end. Arthur and Gwen's relationship was sweet if a little sappy. (And I was wrong about Gwen, she turned out to be a very strong character. Though I'm not sure I approve of her returning to Arthur after he banished her. From a storyteller's perspective, I think it would've been cool if the two of them went their separate ways, Gwen married that bandit-lord and Arthur married Mithian, and then later they had to reconnect as respective rulers and deal with their history and any lingering feelings. From a person-perspective, I think it was crappy of Arthur to treat her like that and I'm not sure I like the underlying message being sent when Gwen goes back to him--she doesn't have to take that from him, and it felt like throughout that story arc, until she and Arthur were reconciled, her character was defined by her love and pining for Arthur. To some extent it was like that even after they reconciled.) Arthur and Merlin's relationship was the real treat of the show. The bromance episodes were few and far between during the first seasons, and I got annoyed by Arthur's awful treatment of Merlin. But then the bromance scenes came more frequently, and the two of them were just so funny and cute and touching and the last episode was heartbreaking. Really heartbreaking. (They should have kissed. Just saying.)

I know there's a lot of controversy over the very end of the show, but I actually liked it. Once I got over my initial surprise that that was how it was ending--no scenes of Gwen's grief, no aftermath--just a clean break with Gwen's coronation, and then the quick connection to the modern day--I thought it was a clever way to do it. It really adds a sense of finality but also continuity, and puts the series firmly in the context of a story, and in the past. We don't get to see Gwen's reign, we don't get to see what happens to the knights or Camelot or Gaius, or even the rest of Merlin's life--we're not supposed to know that. That's not part of the story we've been experiencing. And the sudden contrast between the mise-en-scene of Camelot and the mise-en-scene of the present day reminds us that it's a legend that we've been witnessing--the Arthurian legends that we know on paper have been given substance and depth, given life; and now they are dead. It's not sad. It's the closing of a book.

Now that Merlin is over, I must find other TV to watch. I'm really enjoying Orphan Black on BBC America, though it's not normally the kind of thing I go for; don't talk to me about the current season of Doctor Who unless you want a long conversation about the problems with the recent episodes; Smash is being cancelled, unfortunately (I kind of saw it coming, and I don't blame them, but still!). I've spent the last week re-watching Avatar: The Last Airbender on Netflix Instant Watch, a most beloved show that I'm really enjoying watching straight through, and I may or may not have almost finished it. But it's summer, and I'm sure I'll find other things to do with my time. Like reading Le Morte D'Arthur, and re-watching this fan trailer over and over again. Long Live Arthur Merthur ;)

--Flannery

Elegy for a Pool

I brought my swimsuit and goggles at the beginning of the year, stuffed them into the outside pocket of my suitcase the day before we drove up for first-year move-in. But for one reason or another, I never felt like swimming. I had dance classes, I had rehearsals, I had books to read and papers to write.

With a sense that time really has run out, I borrow my roommate’s swim cap (oh, the glamor) and head to the basement of our central building. I find the locker room, leave my stuff unattended, sign in, and wade into an empty lane. There are two guards and one other swimmer, and it is very quiet.

As I paddle myself across and back, I’m very glad I learned to swim as a kid. Thanks, I think in the general direction of my mother. I’ve never had a passion for swimming—it wears me out, and getting water in your nose hurts­—but I’m comfortable in the water. I put my head under, my legs give me a good start off the wall, and there I go. I’m determined to stay in the lane for at least a half-hour.

As in dance and music and writing, I find the peace of concentration in my slow breaststroke. I have upcoming exams and a paper to revise, but it’s hard to think about Integrated Pest Management and the Crittenden Compromise and To the Lighthouse when you’re swimming. It’s hard to think about anything but swimming when you’re swimming. Your head bobs up and down, up and down, and you experience the mental equivalent of… not of white noise, but ambient music. Not waiting-room-elevator-your-call-is-very-important-to-us music either. This music is softer and gentler.

How funny that you can move through water in ways you can't move through air…

You’re going to cut your hair short when you get home, it will probably look fantastic…

A boy you had a crush on an age ago, why are you thinking about him…

Caught in a wild ocean, waiting for rescue, a giant whale sails past…

The muscles in your back, the muscles in your legs, the synchronicity of the body…

You’re going to cut your hair short when you get home, it will probably be a disaster…

A little girl comes for her swimming lesson. She is too cute. It makes me sad that she’ll never have another lesson in this pool, which is closed as of today.

It isn’t going to reopen in the fall, either. They’re filling it with concrete and using it as storage space while they renovate the library, or so I hear. Not that they’ll have the money to renovate anything for a few years, so that makes a lot of sense, doesn’t it? Also if they wanted storage space, why fill the pool? You could totally store stuff in an empty pool, right?

It’s not like I know anything about development, but it seems a great shame. What about all the little kids who need their swimming lessons? What about the student lifeguards who are out of a job? What about students who will have to trek across the street to the big university pool and trudge back all wet and gross?

Goodbye, fair pool. I hardly knew you. I’m not sure your loss will have too much of an impact on me personally. But when the urge to swim strikes again, I will regret the time we did not spend together and denounce the administration that decided you were unworthy of a place on campus.

--Bridget

Sit Up Straight and Take Up Space

My college used to teach posture classes. I’ve seen a few excellent photographs from 1954 that show the young ladies of the school wearing silly-looking pinafores and executing various silly-looking exercises. It is an antiquated thing, a snippet of a fifties culture that emphasized propriety. Surely the students at men’s or coeducational institutions were not required to take posture classes! The situation seems to reveal a focus on appearances that is not particularly progressive.

So why do I think we should bring them back?

I want to take this class, maybe instead of my Social Analysis requirement.

I’m a dancer, so I spend a ton of time thinking about bodies and space. I guess it’s pretty weird, actually, the way I process my own motion. (It served me well in a final project I wrote for a class last semester, describing the choreography of my daily life. I may publish this later.) Only recently have I begun really thinking about why I take the stances I do: in the classroom, on the subway, at the store counter. The more I think about posture, the more I think it is absolutely vital to a culture of equality.

“Whoa, Bridget,” you are undoubtedly saying. “Hold on and back up. Did you remember to take your meds this morning? The ones that prevent your overdramatic, baseless philosophizing?”

I’ll start with what I mean by posture. I am not referring only to the curvature of the lower spine (where you might think of “slouching”). That’s very important, but you can think about the concept in a much more complex, holistic way.

POSTURE INCLUDES:

1.      the alignment of the spine (straightness and curvature)

2.      the placement of the shoulders (toward or away from the collarbone or ears)

3.      the position of the head (lifted, tilted, bowed)

4.      the orientation of the knees (bent, straight, together, apart)

5.      the relationship of the feet (wide or narrow)

6.      the configuration of the arms (too many to list)

7.      probably some other stuff I’m not thinking of right now

We are evaluated by our posture, categorized by our posture, treated how our posture indicates we ought to be treated. I think it is very likely that we are socialized to stand differently on the basis of our sex. Males are taught to command space and attention with their bodies; females are taught to deflect space and attention with theirs. (Of course, I’ve known women who commanded space and attention, and I’ve known men who deflected it. What I mean is that there is a gender-coding that manifests itself in daily life and associates certain poses with masculinity and femininity.)

Inspired by the documentary Killing Us Softly 4, I have been observing how female models in advertisements are posed. Oftentimes their shoulders are raised and bowled, their knees are knocked and crossed, their torsos shortened with curved or twisted spines. There is a two-part philosophy espoused by such images: (1) women should not assume stances of authority and power, and (2) women should take up as little space as possible.

Maybe this works in advertising, when the model’s [Photoshop-created] beauty and the zoom of the lens demand the consideration of the viewer. But it sure as heck doesn’t work in real life. If you make yourself small, you make yourself unimportant. Trying to remove yourself from the space you could very well be possessing is equivalent to trying to remove yourself from the awareness of other people.

This is why we need posture class. We need to learn how to sit up straight and take up space.

Fierceness may vary.

Women and men alike need to know how to sit and stand in order to be successful, to communicate knowledge and ability. For girls who are led to believe that they are more attractive when they take up less space (hello, eating disorders), this is especially important. Good posture combats insidious notions about the comparative value of male and female minds.

Try it at the seminar table, try it on the subway car, try it when you talk to your professor or your boss or your mom. Plant your feet wider than your hips, pull your shoulder-blades down and together, relax your arms, keep your chin level. It isn’t about aggression or intimidation or even really about size. It’s about that fact that you deserve the attention of the world and that you deserve the same space any other individual. You just need to claim it with your body.

--Bridget

“This isn’t going to cause me any future trauma, right?”: A Les Mis Movie Parody

BACKGROUND MUSIC: *distant drums*
AUDIENCE: Say, do you hear the… never mind. Does Les Mis begin underwater? I don’t remember this from the stage production.
 
VALJEAN: Behold, I am a dirty and sad-looking man among dirty and sad-looking men.
CHAIN GANG: We are a dirty and sad-looking choir of sorrow.
JAVERT: I’m standing in a high place. You’ll see me doing this often. It has nothing to do with authority issues or a troubled childhood among the scum of the earth. Nope.
 
FRENCH FLAG: *is lying meaningfully in the mud*
AUDIENCE: I guess this is going to be one of those symbolic movies.
 
JAVERT: Hey, you. Pick up the flag on that heavy mast over there for no reason whatsoever!
VALJEAN: Okay. *picks up flag on heavy mast for no reason whatsoever*
JAVERT: After that irrelevant task, you are free to go—
VALJEAN: J
JAVERT: —with identification papers that prevent you from living even a halfway decent life.
VALJEAN: L
 
BISHOP: I am kindly, elderly, and magically appearing! You know what that means!
VALJEAN: It means...you’re my Catholic fairy godmother?
BISHOP: We can work with that.
HOUSEKEEPING LADIES: Feel the burn of our judgment, hobo.
 
VALJEAN: I must experience a dramatic rebirth before the opening credits, and so I need a suitably dramatic setting in which to shred these identification papers. I think this graveyard will do.
AUDIENCE: Yup, definitely one of those symbolic movies.
 
SUBSTANTIAL PIECE OF TORN PAPER: *drifts into 1823*
 
PEOPLE OF PARIS: And the plague is coming on fast, ready to kill~
AUDIENCE: Wait, doesn’t the line go, “And the winter is coming on fast, ready to kill”?
PEOPLE OF PARIS: Well, winter is coming was kind of already taken.
 
FACTORY WOMEN: Look at Fantine in her modest pink dress, the skank! We should read her mail.
FANTINE: No, you should not!
FACTORY WOMEN: Ooh, would you look at that! She’s got a secret child!
FANTINE: Your mom has a secret child.
FACTORY WOMEN: ?
FANTINE: It was one of those comebacks that sounded better in my head.
 
VALJEAN: *swoops in, now with better hair*
VALJEAN: What’s going on here?
JAVERT: *appears in high window*
VALJEAN: Oh crap, it’s that cop with authority issues.
VALJEAN: Foreman, just…deal.
 
FOREMAN: Okay, what’s actually going on here?
FACTORY WOMEN: The girl in the modest pink dress is a total skank!
FOREMAN: I knew it! Women with boundaries are always secretly awful. OUT!
FANTINE: That escalated quickly.
 
JAVERT: It seems to me we may have met~
VALJEAN: Your face is not a face I would forget~
JAVERT: …what do you mean by that?
 
FANTINE: There is nothing about my situation that could be manipulated into anything remotely humorous.
 
JAVERT: You remind me of a man.
VALJEAN: What man?
JAVERT: The man with the power.
VALJEAN: What power?
JAVERT: The power to lift heavy objects.
VALJEAN: Lots of people have that power.
JAVERT: Yeah I guess.
 
JAVERT: What’s going on here?
SLEAZY GUY: I accidentally wandered into prostitute territory, and they are vicious. Women without boundaries, am I right?
JAVERT: It’ll be off to jail for you, dying woman.
FANTINE: BUT I HAVE A CHILD.
JAVERT: That’s what they all say. Oh, hey. What are you doing here?
VALJEAN: Being a badass.
FANTINE: You! You ran off when I needed you most!
VALJEAN: I will see to it that you can die in peace.
FANTINE: There aren’t very many other options for me at this point!
 
JAVERT: MONSIEUR I AM A TERRIBLE COP. I BASICALLY DESERVE UTTER SHAME.
VALJEAN: Nope. No authority issues at all.
JAVERT: I mistook you for a runaway who broke his parole.
VALJEAN: Is that…so?
JAVERT: But we caught him!
VALJEAN: Is that…so?
JAVERT: Yup. He couldn’t outrun the law forever!
VALJEAN: Hm. Yeah. We’ll see, won’t we?
JAVERT: What was that?
VALJEAN: Nothing, nothing! Just…go about your business!
 
VALJEAN: Once more to the throes of torturous moral conundrums!
AUDIENCE: How many crises of conscience is this man going to have during this movie? He’s already had two, and it’s hardly been half an hour.
 
VALJEAN: I am 24601!
DERPY VALJEAN LOOKALIKE: Whoa I thought this kind of crap only happened on TV!
COURT: By “24601” do you mean “high”? Or perhaps “mentally unstable”?
 
FANTINE: It is fairly obvious that I am dying now.
MINI COSETTE: *appears*
FANTINE: My Cosette!
VALJEAN: Um, I hate to break it to you, but Cosette isn’t going to be here for aw—
MINI COSETTE: *disappears*
FANTINE: *dies*
VALJEAN: This is all a bit sad, isn’t it?
JAVERT: Fancy seeing you here.

VALJEAN: Can this wait? I promised my Catholic fairy godmother that I’d do my best to mitigate human suffering. Or something to that effect.

JAVERT: …I’m not even going to ask. Fencing?
VALJEAN: I don’t see why not.
JAVERT & VALJEAN: *musical fencing*
VALJEAN: *leaps into unidentified body of water *
AUDIENCE: ?
JAVERT: I draw the line at swimming!

MINI COSETTE: I am a beautiful child and my situation is very sad. Maybe I am secretly a princess? Wait, no, that’s not a good thing in this historical era. Never mind.
MADAME THENARDIER: On your way, Cosette! No one likes you!

MINI EPONINE: Seriously though. Everyone who sees this musical hates you. All teenage girls think that they’re me. And in this movie, I turn out way hotter than you.

MINI COSETTE: My life is so unfair.
 
VALJEAN: I have come to save Cosette from your evil clutches.
THENARDIERS: …what evil clutches?
VALJEAN: Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about. I’m taking Cosette away.
THENARDIERS: Oh no, we can’t have that!
MINI COSETTE: Somehow I was expecting something a little more along the lines of “don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”
 
JAVERT: Did you know that I have exactly one hobby? It’s walking precariously along high ledges. I am 100%sure that nothing terrible will ever come of this.
                                                                                                        
VALJEAN: Cosette, wake up!  You must be very quiet. We have to sneak around the gates of Paris.
MINI COSETTE: This isn’t going to cause me any future trauma, right?
VALJEAN: *flourishes rope *
AUDIENCE: ?
VALJEAN: *ascends/descends walls*
MINI COSETTE: I seem to have been adopted by a ninja master.
CARRIAGE DRIVER: How long have I been driving this empty carriage?
 
SOME YEARS: *pass very quickly*
 
GAVROCHE: I’m here to give you a political summary and some rudimentary philosophical discourse while looking cute as a button…that is, a button that’s been rolling around in the dirt for a bit.  You’ll fall for me big time, and when I die later you’ll be emotionally scarred.
 
ENJOLRAS & MARIUS: Preaching revolution to the masses! All eyes on us!
ENJOLRAS & MARIUS: Also, we are pretty fine.
ENJOLRAS & MARIUS: Do you think these things are at all related?
PEOPLE OF PARIS: Sorry, what were you saying?
 
JAVERT: I manage to be everywhere despite not having a first name.
 
EPONINE: Hey Marius. Are you at all interested in this foxiness?
MARIUS: Hey Eponine. Gotta run. Catch you later! J
AUDIENCE: WHERE ARE YOUR EYES, MAN?
 
MARIUS: Just walking on this street, very casual.
COSETTE: I am super cute and blond and wearing a hat!
MARIUS: HOLY CRAP IT’S A GIRL.
AUDIENCE: I guess he found his eyes.
 
MARIUS: Listen, Eponine. I need you to find this girl for me. I am instantaneously, madly in love with her.
EPONINE: WTF.
MARIUS: I knew I could count on you to help me out!
EPONINE: This is, like, beyond the friend zone. This is, like, the GPS zone.
 
MARIUS: There was this girl…
ENJOLRAS: Are you kidding me?
MARIUS: If you had only seen her, you would understand!
ENJOLRAS: Not into girls, remember?
MARIUS: You’re not? Wait, does that mean...do you have a crush on me, man?
ENJOLRAS: No, dumbass. I’m into France.
MARIUS: That kind of explains your irrational actions later in this movie.
 
COSETTE: Gosh, that slightly creepy guy who was staring at me on the street was pretty fine, but being in love is a bit challenging when you are the loneliest girl in the entire country of France.
VALJEAN: Cosette, I worry about you. I feel like you might be the loneliest girl in the entire country of France.
COSETTE: Papa, why don’t you tell me about your mysterious past in order to shed some light on why I am the loneliest girl in the entire country of France?
VALJEAN: Nope.
COSETTE: Well, then. Off to the garden to meet with my newfound love in spite of your commands!
 
MARIUS: We are madly in love!
COSETTE: We are perfect together!
EPONINE: You only love her because she sings a higher voice part! Nobody ever pays any attention to the voyeur mezzo!
 
VALJEAN: Cosette, I am completely overreacting to a scream I heard on the street outside! That’s it, we are moving to England!
COSETTE: My life is so unfair.
 
EPONINE: In the rain, the pavement shines like silver~
AUDIENCE: Would you look at that? It totally does.
EPONINE: All the lights are misty in the river~
AUDIENCE: And…wait. What river?
EPONINE: In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight~
AUDIENCE: Okay, I don’t think we’ve seen a tree since Mini Cosette was lost in the forest.
EPONINE: I’m just going to sit down here while I finish my song about walking.
AUDIENCE: …
EPONINE: The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers~
SHADOWY STRANGER: *walks past*
AUDIENCE: I guess now we can’t complain about the total absence of anyone else on the streets?
 
ENJOLRAS: Watch me stop an entire parade with my magnificent good looks!
PEOPLE OF PARIS: Gladly.
MARIUS: Mine, too!
PEOPLE OF PARIS: Even better.
 
ENJOLRAS: People of Paris! We need all your furniture!
LES AMIS: Why? We already have enough empty chairs and empty tables.
ENJOLRAS: We need them to build our barricade.
LES AMIS: Seems structurally unsound. Can we use this cow?
COW: ‘sup.
ENJOLRAS: Exactly how drunk have you been for the entire time I’ve known you guys?
 
BARRICADE: *appears to have two coffins displayed front and center*
AUDIENCE: You know, there’s a difference between foreshadowing and taking a brick to the face.
 
GAVROCHE: A letter from the barricade!
VALJEAN: You stay away from that barricade, okay?
GAVROCHE: …what barricade?
 
ENJOLRAS: Okay, everyone! Time to fight!
MARIUS: YES!
EPONINE: *is shot*
MARIUS: NO!
EPONINE: Marius, here’s a letter from Cosette. Also I love you.
MARIUS: Oh dear.
EPONINE: *dies*
MARIUS: SHE’S DEAD.
AUDIENCE: AND WHAT DID YOU THINK THE PRIMARY FUNCTION OF GUNS WAS?
 
MARIUS: Can’t…stop…stacking…chairs…
ENJOLRAS: Marius, you need to take a chill pill.
VALJEAN: Oh, so that’s Marius. Huh. I sure hope he doesn’t die.
 
SOLDIER DUDE: If you’d allow me to make a suggestion—now would be an excellent time to surrender.
ENJOLRAS: I regret nothing!
LES AMIS: We do not feel the same way.
 
GAVROCHE: *dies*
AUDIENCE: Remind us why we are even watching this movie anymore.
AUDIENCE: No, seriously, remind us.
AUDIENCE: Because it’s starting to feel like a long time.
 
ENJOLRAS: I’ve just been shot dead, but even though I’m hanging upside-down out of a window I’m still sexy as hell. People of Paris, you are lucky that it is my fine self on display here rather than, like, Courfeyrac or someone.
 
VALJEAN: Let’s take this show on the road. And by “on the road” I mean “into the sewers.”
JAVERT: Where are those funny sounds coming from?
VALJEAN: AUUUGHUHGGUHAAAUGH.
JAVERT: That’s weird.
VALJEAN & MARIUS: *slide into sewer*
THENARDIERS: Oh, hey. What are you doing here?
VALJEAN: Being a badass. Which way to the exit?
THENARDIERS: That way.
VALJEAN: *hoists Marius over shoulder, wades through incredible filth*
AUDIENCE: Excuse us while we physically recoil from the screen.
 
VALJEAN & MARIUS: *emerge from sewer*
JAVERT: *has never seemed cleaner*
VALJEAN: Can this wait? Catholic fairy godmother, human suffering, you know how it is.
JAVERT: Despite my rabid enthusiasm for hunting you across France, I think we had better end this here. Don’t take another step.
VALJEAN: *takes step*
VALJEAN: *keeps going*
JAVERT: Huh. That usually works.
 
JAVERT: So remember that “high places” motif that has nothing to do with power and authority issues?
 
PEOPLE OF PARIS: We eagerly await the invention of the garden hose.
 
MARIUS: I am a portrait of a broken man.
AUDIENCE: At least you aren’t shot dead and hanging upside-down out of a window.
MARIUS: Small consolation when you are surrounded by what are presumably the last remaining pieces of furniture within a quarter-mile radius.
 
COSETTE: Yay! Everything is going to be perfect!
MARIUS: You will never understand my trauma.
COSETTE: Have I ever told you about the time I was adopted by a ninja master?
 
VALJEAN: I have something very important to tell you, Marius.
MARIUS: Hooray! Man-to-man confidentiality!
VALJEAN: Long ago there was a prisoner who broke his parole and began living a lie to save himself and continued living a lie to save those whom he loved.
MARIUS: I might be way off base here, but I’m sensing a connection between you and this mysterious character you are describing.
VALJEAN: Don’t tell Cosette, okay? She’ll be devastated by my life of lies, even though I have been nothing but good to her for years and years.
MARIUS: That makes sense.
MARIUS: No, actually, it doesn’t.
VALJEAN: Tell her I’ve gone on a journey!
MARIUS: I expect a more convincing alibi from someone who evaded the law for 20+ years.
 
MARIUS: He said to tell you that he’s gone on a journey.
COSETTE: ?
MARIUS: That’s what I said!
 
THENARDIERS: Hey, how’s it going? We want to tell you about Cosette’s adoptive father and the corpse he was carrying through the sewers. We took the dead man’s ring.
MARIUS: Hey, that’s mine…
THENARDIERS: Oh.
MARIUS: And you know what? I’m not dead. WHICH MEANS I CAN PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE.
COSETTE: I may be missing something here.
MARIUS: Cosette, we are going to see your father!
COSETTE: Yup. Definitely missing something.
 
VALJEAN: I think I’ve led quite a fulfilling life.
COSETTE & MARIUS: WAIT NO WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
VALJEAN: I was just about to die in peace.
COSETTE & MARIUS: NO YOU CAN’T DO THAT.
VALJEAN: Well, no one really asked you...
MARIUS: Cosette, your father saved my life!
COSETTE: Nice of you to let me know now, I guess?
FANTINE: Hey there. Thanks for everything.
VALJEAN: Fantine…
FANTINE: Let’s go.
GHOST VALJEAN: *stands up and walks off all casual*
GHOST VALJEAN: So, Catholic fairy godmother… how’d I do?
BISHOP: You did great, son. You did great.
 
GHOST ENJOLRAS: Attention, people of Paris. My beautiful face has returned for your enjoyment..
LES GHOST AMIS: Best. Barricade. Ever. We know good engineering when we see it.
GHOST GAVROCHE: Hi.
AUDIENCE: AUUUGHUHGGUHAAAUGH.
AUDIENCE: Okay so there were some weird things about this movie BUT I FORGIVE THEM BECAUSE I HAVE SO MANY AMAZING AND TERRIFYING FEELINGS RIGHT NOW.

Of Past and Papacy

Scene 1
 
It is a little bit past eight in the morning. I am lying in bed, emerging from sleep. ROOMMATE is up and dressed and checking her phone.
 
ME: *shows signs of awakeness*
ROOMMATE: The Pope resigned!
ME: Wow.
ROOMMATE: It’s like the first time in 600 years that this has happened.
ME: That’s crazy.
ROOMMATE: *leaves room*
ME: *goes back to sleep*
 
Scene 2
 
It is now exactly 8:45. My alarm has just gone off, and I must begin my hectic day.
 
ME: I do not wish to leave my bed.
ME: I think I had really a weird dream.
ME: Yeah. Roommate told me that the Pope resigned.
ME: That never happens.
ME: My brain comes up with the weirdest #$%& sometimes.
 
Scene 3
 
It is lunchtime. After a busy morning, I am sitting down to a vaguely disappointing salad and checking my Facebook. As one does.
 
ME: Look, Roommate posted a link to a NYT article.
ME: The Pope resigned?!

-end-

 
So apparently the resignation of the Pope was not a fabrication of my subconscious mind, though it says something about my imagination that I would think it was. I have a minor interest in the papacy because of its longevity and its impact on, you know, the entire world. (The list of things in which I have a minor interest would probably come to several hundred entries including folk songs, monotremes, Russia, and the poetry of Edgar Allan Poe.) So this news is the sort that makes me very aware of existing in history.
 
Something I’ve been thinking about a lot recently is how all events are critical events and all eras are eras of change. I’m deeply suspicious of periods labeled with words like “stable” and “placid” and “Pax” because I can’t imagine an unchanging time or place. I once read some fiction-writing guidelines that advised a dynamic setting. Stories=change, and so this makes perfect sense. But what setting isn’t changing? It’s a mistake to think that humans anywhere at any time have achieved some sort of mystical equilibrium. I’m a person, I know many, and I know what we’re like. We are forces of change.

 

Forces of change.

 
But we are also wildly irrational. We’re frightened by the world of change we inhabit; we’re scared of our own hurtling dynamism. We’re too small to understand how we produce the incredible insanity that is the past. What I love about history is that it makes something immense (a story that is millennia long) out of something very tiny (the human lifetime). I can’t know what 600 years is like, but I can stand in awe of it. History accesses the human capacity for wonder.
 
What I hate about history is that you can’t work with it until it has inched its way into the part of the past beyond memory. You can’t get a really good look at something until it’s far away, but by then you’ve lost a vital connection to it. The consequences of Benedict XVI’s actions will be analyzed by my great-grandchildren after I’m dead (presuming that they come to love history and also acquire a minor interest in the papacy*).
 
Days like these make me feel like I’m living in crazy times. My rational mind was right to assume that the Pope doesn’t simply resign. It hasn’t happened since 1415. (Way to go, rational mind! You’re awesome.) But they also remind me that no one and nothing is safe from change. All times are crazy times, and history is something we make, not something that happens.
 
--Bridget
 
*If you happen to be reading this, great-grandchildren, I hope that you love history. It’s amazing. I’m a part of it, and so are you. And so is this blog, apparently, which worries me ever so slightly.

Ain't Nobody Got Time for That

A friend and I auditioned for the same student dance group on Sunday. We went to dinner afterwards and started talking about the college balancing act: what classes to take, how many to take, which groups to perform with, how many pieces to dance in, if we should add any other activities to the read/write/dance/sleep cycle we’d had since high school. My friend had withdrawn from sorority recruitment and was considering dropping a class. 
 
“I just want time,” she said.
 
I agreed. I want time more than just about anything else. My worst days tend to originate from overload: my lack of time to do the things that will make me a fulfilled and stable person.
 
I want time to submerge myself in my classes. There’s no way that I can read everything I’m supposed to, but I know that I’ll have a more meaningful education (and thusly a more meaningful life) the more I read. The discussion section I dread will become easier the more I sit myself in a chair and prepare for it. My essays will be stellar if I think through my ideas with care.
 
I want time to correspond. My resolve this year is to be better about communicating with the people I want in my life. The separation of first semester was rough, and I felt distant from the friends I had made in high school. But over winter break, I remembered that my friendships were strong, and I decided to keep them firmly in sight. That means I need to type emails, handwrite letters and cards, arrange Skype dates, respond to texts.
 
I want time to explore and to be spontaneous. I live in an amazing city—I told my mother yesterday that New York is just “more.” Cultural institutions abound, and many are incredibly accessible to me. If only I could get my act together and actually go to the Metropolitan Museum of Art or see Paul Taylor Dance Company. If I spot a poster for a cool lecture or performance on campus, I want to be able to drop everything and go.
 
I want time to deal.  Some days I find myself facing the ceiling and saying, “I can’t deal with this right now.” I sift through the contents of my desk and half of it falls on the floor, but I know other tasks take precedence over cleaning and organizing. I see an email that requires my immediate attention, which is already split between two other tasks and tomorrow’s to-do list. Frustration and procrastination result.
 
I want time to be a woman of leisure. I want to read excellent non-academic books and watch awesome television shows and write recreationally. I want to decorate my room and wear interesting outfits. I want to listen to new songs and fall in love with new artists. I want to read the news so I have a clue about what’s happening outside the bubble of my university.
 
Often I feel like I am supposed to do everything and to be able to do everything. I’m not sure why this is, and I don’t think now is the time to pseudo-psychoanalyze myself. But it is certainly pertinent to say that I cannot do everything I want to do and that I will hurt myself if I try.
 
This is a pretty somber post... I think I meant for it to be funnier? That didn’t happen! Next time I’ll write about awkward elevator experiences or attractive foreign celebrities or something.
 
--Bridget

The Quest For Camelot Begins: A Foray Into Merlin

I watched the first episode of Merlin when it premiered and was...not impressed. Many people have recommended it to me/told me it's something I would enjoy, but I have...remained dubious. One of my good friends here at school is a huge Merlin fan, and throughout our acquaintance I have consequently been subjected to much enthusing over the show as it progressed through its final season. I grinned over the cute Merther (the Merlin/Arthur ship) gifs she showed me on Tumblr--watched with a bemused expression as she and another friend of ours freaked out over the series finale, whispering in case any of the rest of us ever wanted to watch the show from the beginning--celebrated alongside her as Merther became canon.

My former snootiness over the...questionable quality...of the show has diminished, and I decided to give it a second shot. So, I watched the first two episodes tonight while completing my Linguistics homework. I've decided to blog my way through the series, because I have Thoughts and because I think it will be fun. And make me stick with it, in case, you know, I end up not being that impressed with it after all.

Well, here we go: Season 1, Episodes 1 & 2.

If for no other reason, I would probably stick with the show because boy, are Colin Morgan (Merlin) and Bradley James (Arthur) attractive. And they have accents. Never underestimate the swoon factor of a  British accent. At one point in the first episode Merlin got wounded, and his Mentor set about healing said wounds.

MERLIN'S MENTOR: Take your shirt off.

ME: Yes, please do that.

I can certainly see why people ship them, and why people fawn over them in general. I admit that going into this I am predisposed to ship Merther, having soaked up my friend's enthusiasm, though I probably would have ended up shipping them anyway. There were several moments within the first two episodes where I wanted to yell at the screen "YOU ARE ADORABLE. KISS. KISS NOW". Knowing going in that there is ample support for a Merther relationship, I will doubtless be picking up on those lines/looks/hints more than I normally would have. I certainly did in the first two episodes (in any case it's not that subtle. The Dragon is a Merther fan, I can tell. He's very vocal about it. But I'll get to him in a moment). If I wasn't going to ship Merther, I would probably ship Gwen/Merlin. Though who knows. Within these episodes, there was a lot of sexual tension. This included sexual tension between:

• Morgana/Arthur
• Morgana/Merlin
• Merlin/Arthur
• Gwen/Merlin

I'll just leave that with it's excessive love-triangle potential where it is. 

Also, continuing with my oh-so-scholarly thoughts on characters, I was pleasantly surprised to see that Gwen is black. I leave you with Sarah Rees Brennan's thoughts. 

Moving on to plot-y things! 

The villain of the first episode is a Creepy Old Woman, and, you know, I really really dislike Creepy Old Women. For whatever reason, I find them terrifying. Give me a CGI monster--I cringe and announce how much I Do Not Like This. Give me suspenseful music and unsettling shadows--I squirm and curl up in my chair and am spooked. But give me Creepy Old Women--I was sitting watching those parts of the episode in utter terror. I jumped, literally almost out of my chair, when a door slammed down the hall. There were shivers and skin-prickliness all up and down my back. My only hypotheses on the subject is that it stems from growing up with The Princess Bride. I remember that the old woman in the crowd in Buttercup's dream terrified me when I was little. She doesn't anymore, but maybe that fostered in me some far-reaching fear of malevolent elderly women? 

Creepy Old Woman from The Princess Bride 

Infinitely Creepier Old Woman from Merlin

The other plot-y thing I wanted to make note of, and which is a much longer-term plot element than the villain of one episode (however much it might scar me) is the Dragon. The Dragon was one of the reasons I stopped watching originally. There were many Cliched-Lines and Cliched-Themes in those scenes and I wanted to bang my head against the coffee table. The Dragon likes to make cryptic comments about the future. I will hereafter refer to him as the Dragon of Destiny.

Merlin finds the Dragon of Destiny in a cave under the castle (I sense there are problems involved with keeping a secret dragon under your castle. The show does not choose to dwell on such problems. Such as the fact that Merlin was quite easily able to find the dragon under the castle). The Dragon of Destiny seems to have some kind of telepathic link into Merlin's brain, as throughout the first episode you hear an ominous voice caaaallllliiiiinnng to Merlin in his mind. The episode is, in fact, titled "The Call of the Dragon". I'm guessing he's an important character.

The Dragon of Destiny, Merther fan that he is, makes vague, mysterious, not-at-all-foreshadow-y and assertive comments about Merlin's destiny, and the fact that it is his destiny to be with Arthur. That is his only preferred subject of conversation. Who knows, maybe someone else will stumble upon the not-so-secret dragon and he will make generic, grand-sounding comments all about their future love life destiny! I've got my eye on you, Dragon of Destiny.

Merlin receives love advice from the Dragon of Destiny

The teaser for Episode 3 looks quite intense (as they always do), and seems to feature Gwen more. I believe she was in peril. Oh, lady characters, why do you always have to be in peril when you're heading an episode? We shall see what happens.

--Flannery